I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
