Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
