I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
