fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
