Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize