I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
