There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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