3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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