someone threw a dead crab at me
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
