there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
