it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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