hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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