He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
