So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
