the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
