I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We have so much sex to catch up on
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
