Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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