hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Randomize
