Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
