I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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