I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
