I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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