he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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