i already hear my dad disowning me
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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