Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
