I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
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