Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
