I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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