oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
