oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
