he puts the penis in happiness.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
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He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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