Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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