We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
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So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
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