put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
