if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
