I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
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