Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
