Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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