if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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