Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Found your dick twin last night
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
