Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
