i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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