I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
