You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
