Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
