Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
