how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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