Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize