a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
