Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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