I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
