Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
