Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
