I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
