How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
