I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
