I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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