forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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