she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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