Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
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so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
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All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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