I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
