I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
