And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
